| Hooker With A Penis |
[Sunday
06/19/05] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
] |
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music |
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"Hooker with a Penis" by Tool |
] |
I dont update very well lately. The last three weeks i was so mad, angry, frustrated, worried, sad, depressed.
It was just everything all at once, and at the same time I am not buying any weed for saving money purposes.
I need to stop worrying over every little thing. I need to stop letting stupid people and customers at work upset and hurt me.
I need to go to school. I am, this fall. there is just so much worry.waiting and money that goes along with it.
I feel like my job is sucking the life out of me. Thats the bottom line, i think. I need a new job. thats the conclusion jared and I came up with.
I want to marry the man. He knows it. He is so fucking amazing. I seriously have all these silly little emo thoughts about him. During this rough three weeks its like I slipped back to a year ago when we first got together and sometimes I think about how i didnt want to be too serious with him beause I was so afraid of getting hurt. Now, I love him so fucking much and he is so amazingly good to me. When he holds his little brothers, or tells them what to do (They listen to hom more when he visits them than they do their mother) I can see him holding our child. (And I dont even want any fucking kids for a long long ass time.) I just crave him all the time. I want to be his, I want to have his last name.
At the same time, if he didnt want to marry me, I would rather be with hom forever and never get ,married. The best fucking part is that he crazy loves me too. maybe more crazy than me.
sometimes i pray to god not to let anything fuck it up... but i always stop halfway through because it seems too fucking selfish. I just ask him to keep him safe and alive healthy and happy.
holy fucking shit blah blah. sorry for all the fucking venting, and about love nonetheless.
oy, well forgive me.
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[Tuesday
06/14/05] |
i fucking love tuesdays.
I fucking love Tool!!! I am dowloading every single one of their songs onto my computer right now. Im tired of not being able to listen to every single one if I want.
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[Tuesday
05/31/05] |
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my car ran out of gas today! Ugh fucking sucked and pissed me off. But even though that was shitty, i had good luck in small ways. There was a busstop right by where I was and I didnt have to wait even five minutes for the bus. It let me off very near my apartment. I wasnt anywhere near a crosswalk but there was a big gap in traffic for me to run across. and it is a very bust street. So yeah, my lovely bf is going to take care of it when he gets off of work at five. I dont understand how amazing he is to me. wonder if I ever will.
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| glide a mile 6 inches at a time on maynards dick |
[Saturday
05/28/05] |
love that song.
sinuses hurt :( tired of being sick but no time to complain: I have a bowl to somke before work, a three day weekend, sun mon tues, and i only work 5 hrs today instead of eight.
cool fucking beans.
sorry for such shitty updates lately but i have felt like shit, ill be better after the weekend
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| sigh |
[Sunday
05/22/05] |
| [ |
mood |
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 lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Detachable Penis" by Dead Milkmen |
] |
im pathetic.
my bf left early this morning to go hiking JUST OVERNIGHT. its not even noon yet and i miss him so much that i am about to smoke myself stupid. i think its just cuz im imagening the night by myself.
oh well, i gotta get over it, lol. almost 21 years old and i cant stay at home by my poor little self?? hah.
everyone should download the current song i have... its fucking hilarious.
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| youre better off this way |
[Saturday
05/21/05] |
| [ |
mood |
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anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Passive" by APC |
] |
I have a cold, uck. but its not that bad, and it could be the flu, or a fever.
My friend dave's bday tonight. lotsa people, should be awsome. my bf and i work so much we hardley ever get to go out and party.
does anyone know how old maynard james keenan is?
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| ....blowing up the sunshine |
[Thursday
05/19/05] |
| [ |
mood |
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 groggy |
] |
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music |
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ball and chain by social distortion |
] |
sometimes I think nothing goes together better in the morning than weed and coffee. (Well, except maybe weed and sex in the morning :))
work work its all I ever do.
my lovely jared is elaving me for two days, sunday and monday to go climbing with our friend dave. im glad for him. he needs the outdoors, hell have a blast. So from sunday afternoon on expect me online quite a bit. heh.
got so stoned last night that my whole body felt like it was falling asleep, the way your foot does if you sit on it. It was awsome :), especially since the four days before yesterday we scraped.
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| eh |
[Wednesday
05/18/05] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cranky |
] |
| [ |
music |
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byob by system of a down |
] |
I have a scratch on my eyeball, so it feels like somethings there but i cant get it out. fucking sucky.
got a quarter yesterday. it was compiled into two massive buds that made my mouth water. wish i had a dig camera. oh well, too much money.
nothin muchto say except my boyfriend is amazing and I love the new System of a Down song, BYOB
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| comfortably numb |
[Monday
05/16/05] |
| [ |
mood |
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numb |
] |
| [ |
music |
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oh, pink floyd |
] |
I work today.
BUT
its motherfucking payday bitches. That means either a quarter or a half and I have tomorrow off to ENJOY the LOVLINESS!! :)
I am pathetically obsessed with colorbars. But what girl, even badass ones, can resist pictures of things you love in pretty colors. Look at my goddamn info. I have tons, Marilyn, South Park, Nightmare Before Christmas, ect.
I cant resist, its sad.
how doy uo tell a guy you want to marry him? He's made it clear he feels that way, ive been more reluctant. but now im sure, i just cant sem to get the words out of my mouth.
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| scary |
[Saturday
05/14/05] |
| [ |
mood |
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aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Detatchable Penis" by Dead Milkmen |
] |
Okay, I am going to try to be very fair in hopes this doesnt get all drama-y. (please remembered everyone is entitled to their opinion.
Some of these are rather opinion-ous, but alot of them are extremely factual and true (and fucking scary) Honestly, take the time to read it!
George W. Bush's 50 greatest accomplishments
1. I attacked and took over two countries.
2. I spent the US surplus and bankrupted the US treasury.
3. I shattered the record for the biggest annual deficit in history (not easy)
4. I set an economic record for the most personal bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.
5. I set all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the stock market.
6. I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
7. I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
8. In my first year in office I set the all-time record for the most days on vacation by any president in US history (tough to beat my dad's, but I did).
9. After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history.
10. I set the record for most campaign raising trips by any president in US history.
11. In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their jobs.
12. I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any other president in US history.
13. I set the all-time record for most real estate foreclosures in a 12-month period.
14. I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any other president in US history.
15. I set the record for fewest press conferences of any president since the advent of TV.
16. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
17. I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any other US president in history.
18. I cut health-care benefits for war veterans.
19. I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any one person in the history of mankind.
20. I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.
21. I've made my presidency the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history.
22. Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history (the poorest multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her).
23. I am the first president in US history to have all 50 states of the union simultaneously struggle against bankruptcy.
24. I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud in any market in any country in the history of the world.
25. I am the first president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the vast majority of the international community.
26. I have created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the US.
27. I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any other president in US history (Reagan was hard to beat, but I did it!!!)
28. I am the first president in US history to compel the United Nations to remove the US from the Human Rights Commission.
29. I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Elections Monitoring Board.
30. I removed more checks and balances and have the least congressional oversight of any presidential administration in US history.
31. I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
32. I withdrew from the World Court Of Law.
33. I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
34. I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations elections inspectors access during the 2002 elections.
35. I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for the most corporate campaign donations.
36. The biggest lifetime contributor to my campaign, who is also one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of EnronCorporation)
37. I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.
38. I am the first president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied, saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1).
39. I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government.
40. I took the world's sympathy for the US after 9/11, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).
41. I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.
42. I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
43. I set the all-time record for the number of administration appointees who violated US laws by not selling their huge investments in corporations that later made bids for gov. contracts.
44. I have removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.
45. I have created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided that the US has been since the Civil War.
46. I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.
47. I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).
48. I was AWOL from the National Guard and deserted the military during time of war. I refused to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
49. All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records of any SEC investigation into my insider trading or bankrupted companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
50. All minutes of meetings of any public corporations for which I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
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| so fucking happy |
[Saturday
05/14/05] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Bring Em Back Alive" by Audioslave |
] |
so yesterday.... in the bathroom at work oddly enough (strange how i always tend to talk to god in the bathroom) I decided I wanted to marry Jared. Im not very religious at all... im ttechnically Lutheran, but not practiced, and there are alot of things about religion and the bible that dont make sense to me. But I do believe in a higher power with all my heart.
ANYWAY I hoped so much that he wanted the same and I was afraid to tell him how I felt. I prayed I would know.
This morning he tells me he had a dream we got married.
On the way out the door he says, that dream was amazing.
:)
SO now im nicely stoned, i dont have to work until noon, and my baby wants to marry me, i think.
ahh :)
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| "I just didnt want to know" |
[Thursday
05/12/05] |
| [ |
mood |
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bitchy |
] |
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music |
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A P C |
] |
I hate my fucking job. Its a family run business and I now understand the importance of fucking unions. Okay, here is the thing. I am 20 years old, and I am tired of working with 16 years olds. Not that all 16 year olds are complete fucking dumbasses, but these ones are. So, instead of really really caring about my job, which I do, I have to not give a shit, otherwise I am upset all the fucking time.
Too bad I spend more time there than anywhere else. I have to save up lots of fucking money so I can go to school this fall even if Financial Aid does screw me over.
I love Jared so fucking much... I want to tell him something. But im too afraid. At the same time, it sucks holding it in.
It was our one year yesterday! I was rolling resin balls to last us until payday but he surprised with 20 bucks of lovliness. 20 bucks he hardly had. WHat a doll. Also, cleaned up and laundried for me which he knows means so much to my neat freak heart.
Does Butters from South Park break anyone elses heart?! LOL, the kid has my kind of luck.
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| so |
[Tuesday
05/10/05] |
I need some LiveJournal friends.
Just so JA KNow
pddddt im fucking crazy :)
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| oh my fellows |
[Tuesday
05/10/05] |
| [ |
mood |
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annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Breed" by Nirvana |
] |
i feel stupid and contagious.
thanks kurt. he is always there for me when Im speechless... same as Maynard.
I hate my job. 21 in Jan and I can be a bartender... and work with fucking adults.
5 or 6 days till payday and almost outta weed. sigh. gotta hate that.
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